PARALYSIS

I'm so glad I'm getting to enjoy all those flowers they planted last week.

One-armed snowman that a five year old in my building made.

Christmas lights on my street.

My town doesn't need a real Christmas tree because it has this awesome fake one made out of lights.

"Let's build the New Anti-Capitalist Party together." I wish stuff like this happened in the US.

Here is a picture of the most delicious meal I have had in France so far:

Flowers vs. Snow.

This kid looks exactly like I did when I was learning to ski. In 1990. Ski fashion was definitely more awesome back then. I guess France has realized this and decided to never let the one-piece snowsuit die.

Graffiti and old women's coats are the only colorful things in Paris. Besides the 80 million Christmas lights.

Ancient ruins in the middle of downtown. There's also an ancient gladiator fighting arena. Now it's just filled with ancient dudes playing petanque. They are so ancient that they use magnets on strings to pick up their balls because they no longer have the ability to bend over.

Claustrophobia.

I feel like I take pictures of this thing every time I walk by it.

Pioneer Square's tree is totally bigger.

Rive Gauche. Actually I have no idea which rive this is. I always get mixed up because the river runs pretty much horizontal through downtown so it is not obvious which side is right and which is left. I think North is right. I don't know. My dad probably does. He knows Paris better than I do even though I'm the one that lives here.

Ile Saint Louis.

I think there were more cops at this march than protesters.

A bear trying to sell me deodorant.

Santa trying to sell me ballet slippers.

The cops totally shot tear gas at that tiny protest.

I was really tempted to steal this lion's cookie for myself but I didn't want to look like a greedy American.

Church.

You can take lessons in Coffeeology at this place.

Proving to my mom that although I still haven't been to the Louvre I still look at art:

Honestly I was going to go to the Louvre today but then it was snowing and I got distracted and...

the line to get in to the Louvre is outside. That is just inhumane. I mean there was a blizzard today. I will try to make myself go this weekend. I mean I really want to go. I just hate lines.

And blizzards.

Street art. In case the free photography museum across the street is not accessible and real enough for the general public.

You don't have to put up your own Christmas decorations here because they are provided as a public service.

Super goth kid on the metro's shoe.

"It rarely snows in Paris" my ass.

It snowed so much today that I bought a new coat.

It snowed so much today that THEY TOOK DOWN THE MERRY-GO-ROUND. Looks like I will have to find a new spot to hang out and make friends after school.

The dude at this crappy internet cafe totally laughed at me when I asked if I could print from the computers which in French came out "Can I print computers?" and he was like nonono you mean "Can I print pages from computers?" which sounds ridiculous in English which is why it was not my first choice of phrasing for this question. Whatever Mr. Semantics, who the crap names their business Cyber Eden, anyways? It sounds like a sexy chat room for Adam and Eve.

It snowed so much today that all the cars trying to drive up this hill near my house got stuck because none of them had chains or studded tires.

Two buses full of police officers showed up I guess to survey the shenanigans. They weren't really helping, they were just supervising good samaritans in their efforts to get the cars unstuck. I guess everyone probably felt safer and less at risk of being attacked by terrorists during their car crises because of the police presence.

Pretty.

Neighborhood kids building a snowman that could kick the first one's ass.

TWO of my upstairs neighbors got the genius idea of buying fake Santas and hanging them out their windows. I guess they got tired of their kids asking how Santa was going to get in to leave them presents if they don't have a chimney.

Nerds.

Holy crap there is so much snow. According to the internet it hasn't snowed this much (11 cm) in Paris since the year I was born (1987). 11 cm is 4.3 inches. That doesn't seem like very much but I guess it is when you have no way of getting rid of it except salt. I tried to look up how to get somewhere on the metro website and I just got this screen that told me that the transit system was paralyzed because of the snow. Then when I was trying to look up how much it snowed I just got the headline "SNOW PARALYZES ILE DE FRANCE" (the department of France that I live in). Everything and everyone is paralyzed in France. 11 cm of snow has caused the end of days. My roommate was concerned that Tom wouldn't be able to make it here for Christmas because of the snow. I was like dude his flight doesn't leave until 2 weeks from today I think it will be ok. He did not seem convinced. I hope Tom's airline didn't cancel his flight because they are anticipating that it will take Paris more than 2 weeks to get rid of the snow.

SNOW

Champs Elysees. This is where the fancy people hang out.

With their fancy bikes.

The trees on this street lost all their leaves because they are not as fancy as the ones on Champs Elysees.

Luxury trash.

Luxury hot pants. Perfect for the -2 degree weather we've been having. Karl Lagerfeld is a genius.

They have rental bikes everywhere but I haven't rented one yet because you have to buy some kind of subscription and I already subscribed to an unlimited movie theater pass so I don't want to over-extend myself.

Dior for children has its own valet to park the toy Barbie Jeeps for the kids who shop there.

Louis Vuitton.

I saw a real French bulldog the other day on my way to school; it was adorable. Another day I saw a fox. Or it could have been an enormous orange cat but I'm pretty sure it was a fox. I work in the middle of nowhere.

Everything is gray or beige.

Egg and teeth candy. Super appetizing. Yesterday a teacher asked me how to say "bon appetit" in English. I was like honestly we don't really say that because we don't need to be wished "good appetite" because we already have awesome appetites in the US. But if we did want to wish someone good luck with their bacon double cheeseburger and 64 ounce milkshake, we would just say "bon appetit," like you.

First attempt at the Statue of Liberty's flame. Not enough liberty for the US.

I'm glad Nick came back to correct this so now I know he's available.

This thing is everywhere.

I bought a 24 pack of bright pink toilet paper because it was the only color they had at the grocery store. Both my roommates are guys and one was so pissed that he moved out. Actually I don't know why he moved out. I didn't even notice he moved out until 3 days later when the other guy told me.

See you never.

French boyscouts. The inventors of backpacking through Europe.

Miaou Miaou.

Back of Palais de Tokyo/Museum of Modern Art.

It's a sweet skate spot.

With a view of the Eiffel Tower and a swimming pool.

I really wanted to go see the Basquiat exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art but the line was down the block and it was freezing and there was only one person outside the Palais de Tokyo and she didn't look like she was in line so I just went there instead.

Palais guard.

Remnants of an outdoor market, the only place that will sell you food on a Sunday.

Someone wrote me a note in the bathroom!

Ok here is documentation of the Palais de Tokyo. My limited computer skills do not allow me to rearrange my pictures once I upload them.

Best piece!

Too busy pleasing himself to finish this painting before it was due.

Study of mescaline. These prints were pretty cool.

I am still reading that stupid Halloween book to the 2nd graders and every time we get to the part with the spider they are like "Ohhhh sPEE-der, like sPEE-der MAN!" And I say "Yes, exactly like sPEE-der man." And then I try to help them pronounce spider better but it is impossible because they are pretending to shoot sPEE-der webs out of their wrists and are not paying attention at all anymore.

I would totally wear this as a brooch.

Whoever thought of putting googley eyes on this tapestry is a genius.

Also for coming up with this amazing name for it:

Gun enthusiasts are even more threatening when wielding sausages.

Back in fancy land.

Santa is holding his ski poles upside down.

Paris really goes all out for Christmas. That Santa was part of a roller coaster. These bears are part of an outdoor bar. There is a Christmas market set up all along the Champs Elysees. It is like Saturday Market but with less weed, tie dye, and crafts and more chocolate, chestnuts, and wine.

90% of the trees in France get Christmas lights.

A CAMPER!

Taking pictures of people taking pictures.

There is no escaping Christmas.

The Eiffel Tower gets all sparkly once an hour for a few minutes. I tried to take a picture of it but it wouldn't stop moving.

Ok this one is slightly better.

It snowed!

Best thing I saw on my way to work this week.

I hope it doesn't ever snow so much that the trains get messed up. Last week they were only running half the trains because they claimed that there was bad weather in the beginning of the month (it rained for 2 days) and they had to keep a lot of the trains home in the train barn to help them recover. Every time I read that message I felt like I was being lied to.

SNOW.